Talk About a Decorating Dilemma
13 September 2003, 2:53 AM

It's 3 a.m. and I'm wired on cherry Jello and my previous two hour late-evening nap. To help me go to sleep, I'd started flipping through one of my magazines to get my mind thinking about decorating. For some reason it helps soothe me to sleep to think about the details of a hobby, craft or artsy project and decorating my house falls into that category. But this time it only got my mind reeling.

The magazine is a UK published one, "The English Home" meant for its overseas markets in Australia, Canada and the U.S. I like looking through stuff like this for a slightly different perspective (and neat trinkets) that I might not see in my usual decorating magazines.

Like "Southern Living", this magazine includes a section on nifty houses for sale. Buy a "Suffolk Vineyard that Supplies English Wine to the Queen" for a mere £795,000 (about $1,265,555.45 USD). Or how about the "Amazing Manor" with ten bedrooms and tennis court for £4.5 million ($7.1 million USD). Or the "Perfectly Priestly" six-bedroom home built in 1342, and once a college, for £975,000 (1,552,096.30 USD).

Whoa. What was that date again?

1342? Thirteen forty-two?

Here in the U.S. we're used to thinking of anything over 100 years old as "antique". That's probably because our country itself is only just a little over 200 years old. Most immigrants did not bring a lot of large old things with them from their home countries. Even my own parents, immigrants of the 1960's, brought very little with them. To me, "old things" that stayed in families and out of museums were always small objects - a grandfather's war medals or glasses. A piece of lace. A spoon and plate set. Jeff's experience was a bit different, since his family is many generations Texan and much larger objects got passed down through generations.

But even if your family has been here since colonial times it's rare to encounter large things older than 200 years unless they are in a museum or a protected structure. The artifacts and structures left behind by Pre-Cortez Native American civilizations become somewhat mysterious and ancient because of their greater age.

And so, my reaction when I read that date was to be expected. For a little under $2 million and a move to the UK, I could live in a house built in 1342.

Geez. At that time the Aztec city of Tenochtitlan was only about 17 years old, and the Ming Dynasty or Incan empire didn't yet exist. The Crusades were gasping their last breath and the Black Death (bubonic plague) was only six years away from England. Giovanni Boccaccio would soon begin writing the Decameron and Geoffrey Chaucer was born. And this place, now a home, has been around since then.

Wow. Just ... wow. Somehow I don't think I'd be finding appropriate period pieces for decorating at the local flea market.

Johnny Cash and John Ritter
13 September 2003, 1:01 AM